A Bio-Mom's Surrender Letter

This is a post from a girl with whom I went to school; R.H.  I've had my opinions about her in the past, but I'm striving to be overall better & not judge.

David and I are going through the foster-to-adopt licensing process. It's time consuming. We've even doubted ourselves a few times, but we feel compelled to help that special someone God had planned for our family. 

Here is what my classmate wrote on FB and attached a beautiful picture of her 4 gorgeous children.  It's a beautiful and sad letter to her babes as (I believe, the way it sounds) she had given up custody for their good.  I give her credit for doing the right thing, even though it must have been excruciatingly difficult.  May God bless her and her children. 

"Life has never been easy for me, though this makes no excuse.

I have had my trials and tribulations, but my love for you has always been my truth! 

The four of you; two daughters and two sons, are my reasons for holding on.

The reason air pushes threw my lungs, and my heart still beats strong.

Tears build in my eyes as I write down these words. Knowing they do not convey the pain I feel everyday, for it only gets worse.

From not being there even though I desperately want to be! Unable to show my love, or to just be your Mommy.

Not able to dry your tears, not able to calm your fears. Wishing your happy birthdays from too far away, not able to celebrate with you in any way.

My heart breaks at the thought that I have broken yours. It has been breaking my heart from the moment we parted, and mine separated from yours.

I have tried to reach out in person and in pen. But have been denied and called unfit.

I have jumped threw hoops and crawled threw sludge anything to show my love.

But it has never been enough to prove, never been enough to show; that I am worthy to have you as my own. 

Being kept from you is like being imprisoned in time, my life is forever paused until I have you back in mine.

Trusting the paper she held and the love she claimed to have for me... I made a deal with the Devil, and signed my life away."